Sound pass on this draft

A late read purely for how the poem behaves in the mouth.

Read this for sound only, ignoring meaning. Tell me the dominant vowel and consonant textures with examples, any accidental rhyme or alliteration that draws attention without earning it, and the lines that are sonically flat. For the flat lines only, offer substitutions that thread the poem's existing sounds through them.

Poem:

Sound and metre. Rhymes, scansion, and the read-aloud passes that tell you why a line trips in the mouth.